I've Got Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

(Day 34 of 112)

Warning: Long Post

For the last 34 days the Fellow has been away for a professional course. The requirements of the course he is doing are such that he ends up working almost 20 hours a day. A good day is when he manages to sleep for more than 4 hours at a stretch and a brilliant day is when he can sleep a full eight hours. So far there has been one good day and maybe the odd weekend where he got a full night’s sleep.

Needless to say, the Fellow is overworked and sleep deprived. Add to this, extreme stress and pressure, which are apparently as crucial a part of the course as the syllabus, and I am left with hardly a sliver of a husband. From being on the phone all the time during the pre-marriage period, and then being with him all the time the first 6 months of marriage, I now have to live with a 5 min phone call a day, usually when the Fellow calls to say goodnight in a totally beat up and exhausted voice. For all my missing him I don’t have the heart to keep him up to talk to me when I hear that drained and stressed out voice (and the knowledge that while I can sleep till 10am, he has to be up at 5 in the morning).

Instead I’ve adapted. I’ve learnt how to capsulate everything I want to say to the Fellow and say it all in 2-3 mins – the amount of time the Fellow can give to me before he goes back to work/studying/sleep. I’ve also become quite adept at writing interesting and anecdotal mails. And then there is also the blog which I use to vent all my thoughts and emotions.

Until today. Today was like a bonus day for both the Fellow and me. He had a rare day off work and since none of his baggage had arrived (through no fault of his mind you) he had an excellent excuse not to do anything for tomorrow. And so the Fellow called me (from work which was totally a first). And I managed to talk to him for a full 20 minutes before he had to get some work done. But a couple of hours later he called again after he had reached home. And this time he sounded so happy and…chirpy that I got quite worried. After all I had gotten used to a stressed out and exhausted husband and this guy who was singing (terribly off-key), making funny sounds, changing voices, cracking jokes and generally sounding up-beat was getting me really confused. I wasn’t mentally prepared to deal with it. Really.

Then there was also the fact that I was now an expert in speed talking (yes yes, for those who know me personally, even more so than usual). So having a phone call extend beyond 5 mins left me with nothing to say to the Fellow along with leaving me totally shocked and panicked (not being able to think of anything to talk is sacrilege).

All that aside though, I’ve been smiling all afternoon and evening. After almost a month the Fellow had the time (and mental capacity) to talk to me for more than a couple of minutes. More importantly, he sounded relaxed and totally carefree. This was more heart-warming than anything else. Of course I could have lived without the bad rendition of ‘Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer’ but even that made me smile indulgently today. And I got to update him with all the family gossip and get his opinion on things and discuss travel plans and credit cards and gifts for people and oh so much. I also got to sulk a little (a luxury I haven’t had since his course began). Feels good I tell you.

And so I don’t care whether it’s depressing and dank outside. I don’t mind the incessant rain and grey everywhere. I don’t care what anyone has to say, for I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.